grappling with dichotomies
I needed to break the title alliteration and also talk about when the edge isn’t the start or end but the other side (it’s a möbius strip).
I was recently certified as a resilience coach. It was an unexpected but welcome work/life milestone; it felt good to complete a course, reflect and formalise a capability I’d been putting time and effort on for years at this point. I like the material as it feels adaptive to personal and work life. And in a workplace or corporate setting specifically, it allows for recognition and accountability of an individual, rather than just addressing the system that employees often find themselves in.
Study for ‘Sun and Moon’ Arthur Dove (American, 1880-1946)
And that sentiment, as I wrote it, also made me feel prickly inside. Is there really recognizing individuals inside these systems? I’ve witnessed all the cons - the push/pull of internal manoeuvring, news of layoffs and restructures, dogfighting for a rung on the ladder - for decades, and the anxiety and fear it builds into a person like an ever-growing stain. The way the spark literally fades from a new employee’s eyes after a few years, and at worst, a few weeks or months after realizing either the monotony or the chaos of the new role they were hired for being everything BUT the role they were hired for.
And not too long ago, I found myself scrolling through a thread of folks that vehemently believe resilience to be a mislabelling of trauma and irresponsible caregiving squandered from childhood. And truthfully, I don’t know that I disagree completely. I want to believe that it’s speaking to two different themes but what do “resilient” children grow up to be but “resilient” adults?
What I do believe in, right now, as a functioning adult (whatever that means these days), is that I have autonomy to figure out how I want to respond to the inputs surrounding me. I can decide how to feel about how I spend my time and what I spend it on, even if there are elements beyond my control. For me, part of that is not denying the emotion of losing motivation or trust, not leaning into some toxic positivity of everything is always going to turn up sunshine but understanding that to fully experience life means accepting how low and unfair it can be. Finding gratitude in what can benefit me but also finding gravity in what oppresses or adversely affects others. Understanding that for some people, resilience feels like something attainable and for others, it will be a spiteful reminder of the care they deserved and didn’t receive.